Supporting your child through co-regulation
Supporting Your Child Through Co-Regulation: Insights from the Berry Street Education Model
As parents, we often wish our children could manage their emotions smoothly, make good choices under stress, and navigate life’s challenges with resilience. However, emotional regulation is not an innate skill—it is something children learn over time through experience, practice, and, most importantly, connection with trusted adults. This is where co-regulation plays a crucial role.
What is Co-Regulation?
Co-regulation is the process of helping a child manage their emotions through warm, responsive interactions. It involves an adult providing guidance, support, and modeling of self-regulation strategies so that, over time, the child can internalize these skills and apply them independently. Co-regulation is particularly essential during moments of distress when a child’s nervous system is dysregulated and they need external support to regain balance.
The Link Between Co-Regulation and the Berry Street Education Model
The Berry Street Education Model (BSEM) is a trauma-informed approach that emphasizes the importance of building strong, supportive relationships to help children develop resilience and self-regulation. One of its key pillars, Body, highlights the significance of co-regulation in stabilizing a child’s physiological and emotional state before they can engage in learning and personal growth.
Through BSEM, educators and caregivers are encouraged to be calm, predictable, and attuned to a child’s needs. This approach aligns with co-regulation by recognizing that children, particularly those who have experienced trauma or adversity, require safe and stable relationships to help them develop emotional regulation skills.
How Parents Can Practice Co-Regulation at Home
While co-regulation happens naturally in parenting, being intentional about it can strengthen your child’s ability to manage emotions effectively. Here are some strategies based on the Berry Street Education Model:
1. Stay Calm and Regulated Yourself
Children absorb the emotional energy of those around them. If a child is overwhelmed, they need an adult who remains calm. This doesn’t mean suppressing your emotions, but rather modeling healthy self-regulation strategies such as deep breathing, grounding techniques, or taking a moment to pause before reacting.
2. Use Predictable Routines
Predictability provides a sense of safety, which is particularly important for children who struggle with regulation. Consistent routines for mornings, mealtimes, and bedtime create stability and reduce emotional outbursts triggered by uncertainty.
3. Validate and Acknowledge Emotions
Instead of dismissing or minimizing big emotions, acknowledge your child’s feelings with statements like, “I can see that you’re really frustrated right now.” This helps them feel heard and understood, making it easier for them to regulate.
4. Engage in Regulating Activities Together
Physical activities such as rhythmic movement (rocking, bouncing, or walking), deep breathing exercises, or sensory play (such as playdough or water play) can help children calm their nervous system. The Berry Street Model emphasizes body-based strategies as a foundation for self-regulation.
5. Coach, Don’t Control
Rather than telling a child how they “should” feel or react, guide them through their emotions. Offer choices, such as, “Would you like to take a deep breath with me, or would you like to squeeze this stress ball?” This fosters a sense of autonomy while still providing needed support.
6. Repair After Emotional Moments
If a conflict or emotional outburst occurs, take time to reconnect. A simple conversation like, “That was really hard for both of us. Let’s talk about what we can do differently next time,” helps reinforce emotional learning and strengthens your relationship.
The Long-Term Impact of Co-Regulation
By practicing co-regulation consistently, children develop the ability to self-soothe, manage stress, and build emotional resilience. This skill set is essential not just for childhood, but for lifelong wellbeing. The Berry Street Education Model reminds us that relationships are the foundation of learning and growth. As parents, our ability to co-regulate with our children is one of the most powerful tools we have to support their development.
By showing up with patience, empathy, and stability, we teach our children not just how to regulate their emotions, but also that they are not alone in their struggles. This creates a foundation of trust and connection that allows them to thrive in all aspects of life.